


An Overabundance of the Wrong Kind of Love

by Danny2312



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Asexual Character, Canon Compliant, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, Hinata Shouyou-centric, M/M, Not Beta Read, Other, Queerplatonic Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Queerplatonic Relationships, i took some liberties with the manga spoilers, mostly - Freeform, small details changed for my own convenience bc i didn't want to reread
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:33:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26782969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danny2312/pseuds/Danny2312
Summary: Shouyou has loved volleyball for as long as he can remember, and when he was a kid that was fine. But while his classmates lose their interest in sports and games in favor of romance, he starts to wonder if there's something wrong with him.Because for him, the kind of love they're talking about seems impossible.A self-indulgent fic
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kozume Kenma, Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma
Comments: 15
Kudos: 172





	An Overabundance of the Wrong Kind of Love

**Author's Note:**

> this is a self-indulgent fic following hinata as he explores the relationship he and others around him have with sexual attraction and love as an aromatic asexual who didn't realize what that was an option until her 20s.

Shouyou thinks that he's loved volleyball since even before he knew what it was.

He doesn't know it yet, but the way the ball goes _whoosh!_ , and _gwah!_ , and echoes when it slams against the polished floorboards of the court makes him feel like a cat curled up in a perfect sunny spot. 

Even before he knows what volleyball is, though, he knows he's much more fond of kinesthetic activities than academic ones. In elementary school, he's the center of the crowd, easily leading the group through game after game, race after race, and coming out on top.

As he gets older, though, things begin to change.

His classmates start talking about _girls_ and _boys_ and the soft bubbly feelings that being around them stir up.

And Shouyou...doesn't understand.

He's used to not understanding English and Math, and History and Modern Japanese are a pain, but he's always understood his classmates before. It makes him feel like he's missing something.

And then they ask him about who _he_ likes, and he gets a twisty feeling in his stomach, so entirely unlike the soda bubbles they describe--

And he lies.

"Ah, don't tell anyone, but I think Suzuki-chan is pretty cute." He says, a bright grin on his face.

He feels a little sick.

Middle school arrives without any further incidents, and he has his first encounter with love.

His eyes go wide and the soles of his feet tingle as he watches the Tiny Giant fly.

He feels his space between his heart and his lungs expand like there's a sun in his chest, and it's not the fizz and pop like soda bubbles that he's heard about, but it's soft, and wonderful, and he thinks _oh, so this is what they were talking about._

Hinata Shouyou is 14 years old when he learns what love feels like.

He thinks he'll only ever love volleyball.

A girl from the next class over confesses to him two months later and he says yes, because sometimes his friends joke that he's gay like it's a bad thing, and even though he isn't ( _the thought of dating anyone makes him uncomfortable, not just girls_ ), he doesn't want to stick out.

It doesn't last long because the thought of kissing her makes him nauseous.

The gap between Shouyou and his classmates only continues to grow, even as he's scraped together a few friends to go to one tournament where they're knocked out during the first game.

He hates losing, but he loves volleyball.

He goes to Karasuno for high school, the only one from his middle school to attend since he has to bike down a mountain and across town to get there, and the rest of his classmates would rather take a bus than bike almost an hour each way so early in the morning, and then again late in the evening after practice.

It's an adjustment, with that jerk from the only game he played in middle school being there and getting them both kicked out of the gym on the first day, but they fall into something of a peace treaty before long.

The rest of the team is amazing, even if they bicker at times.

It takes Takeda-sensei begging and pleading for days on end to get them a coach and a practice match, but the two come as a pair and Shouyou is over the moon.

Because Shouyou loves volleyball the way he's never loved another person, the way he thinks he'll never love another person.

And he mostly forgets about it, the way he feels a little broken, when he's with the team because they're so warm and open and love volleyball like he does.

Well, maybe not quite as much as he does. He always has to beg for a toss, and he's both the first to get to practice and the last to leave, but it's the first time anyone has ever gotten close to keeping up with him, even if he's still catching up in terms of skill.

But sometimes they say things that remind him again.

When the guys ask him where he learned if he didn't have a team and he explains he played with the girls' team and the women's league in the neighborhood, they laugh and nudge and whistle, and his stomach twists in some shade of panic, but Daichi yells at everyone to get back to practice and Shouyou can breathe again because volleyball makes sense in a way that feelings don't.

The day of the practice match, they do warm-up runs through the streets, but it's nothing compared to the mountain he bikes every day, and his lack of directionality combined with his speed and stamina leave him hopelessly lost.

It's while he's wandering back toward the school that he sees a boy with volleyball shoes poking out of the gym bag beside him.

 _He's pretty small, for a volleyball player,_ Shouyou thinks curiously, bounding his way over to see what the other boy is doing.

He's practically vibrating in place when the boy finally looks up, golden eyes staring through him for a long moment before he looks back at his gaming system.

The boy is a second-year and a setter, and he says he doesn't really care one way or another about volleyball but he continues for his teammates, and he says it's not weird that Shouyou is the middle blocker despite his lack of height, much to Shouyou's delight.

Even his teammates thought it was weird at first.

He's about to ask for the boy's email, an argument on the tip of his tongue in case he tries to get out of it ( _if we both live in the area and you're a setter, you should toss to me some time!_ ) when someone with wild dark hair and broad shoulders appears and calls him away.

Before he goes, the boy says that he'll see him soon.

Shouyou thinks his stomach feels like he swallowed the sun, a bit like the day he found volleyball. And it's not soda bubbles, but he thinks he'd like to see that boy again.

And then he does!

The very next day!

He gets to do his quick attacks with Kageyama a few times before the other team gets the hang of them and they start losing ground.

The other boy, the setter, the one who makes Shouyou feel so incredibly warm performs an even more incredible setter dump and scores a point for his team.

That makes the warmth dissipate a bit, but not for long when he _flies_ one more time and his stomach wriggles and waves like heat waves off the concrete the way it did the first time he saw the Little Giant and he hits with his eyes open.

And it's amazing.

He can see the whole court from here.

He wonders if this is what the other boy sees with his golden eyes that always seem to be looking, taking everything in.

Shouyou wishes he could fly forever.

But he can't, and they lose the match.

But he does get the boy's email and a name -- Kozume Kenma, but Kenma said he could use his first name.

When Kenma called him Shouyou, he was sure he was going to start bleeding sunshine.

Shouyou thinks he'll only ever love volleyball, but he really likes Kenma.

He learns that Kenma has anxiety, so sometimes it's hard for him to text Shouyou first, but that's okay because he doesn't mind always texting first, as long as he gets to talk to Kenma.

He studies hard for his exams, but he still fails, all because his spacing was off by one.

It's frustrating, but Tanaka-senpai said his sister was willing to bring him and Kageyama _who really had right to be making fun of Shouyou for failing when he failed because he was dumb_ to Tokyo as soon as they were done with their supplementary lessons.

They make it just in time, and the matches are amazing.

The way the ball goes _whoosh!_. and _gwah!_ , and echoes when it slams against the polished floorboards of the court makes him feel like a cat curled up in a perfect sunny spot. Being on the court makes him feel like the sun is bleeding out of him, wiggling, and waving, and bursting and he _loves it_.

Kenma teases him some too, but it's harmless and fun, even if he is poking fun at Shouyou's blocks and receives. He knows Kenma would never say something to hurt him.

He barely even notices the eyes of Kenma's teammates boring into the side of his head like he's done something astounding.

Okay, that's a lie. It makes his neck prickle and his skin crawl, but he doesn't mind too much because Kenma is laughing and saying his name and flicking his eyes up to look at him before sliding back to his game. No, Shouyou definitely doesn't mind.

They talk every night now, even on the phone so Kenma can play his game.

Sometimes Kenma gets frustrated if he can't get past a level a bunch of tries and he screeches incoherently into the phone and Shouyou giggles back because he knows that he and Kuroo are the only ones who get to hear Kenma like this. Even when he rages at his teammates (mostly Lev), that's a momentary override of his anxiety rather than the unguarded expressions that he allows himself like this.

Kenma comes to see him at nationals, even though they lose in the quarter-finals, and it makes his heart hurt.

He hugs him as he cries and Kenma runs his fingers gently through his sweaty hair where he's sat in a hospital bed after his body _failed him_ , holding him tight before he's discharged and Shouyou's team is herded back onto the bus to go back home with a quiet promise to call him when he got back to his house the way he'd done for his friend when they'd beat Nekoma just a few rounds earlier.

That night, he sobs into the receiver as Kenma plays a game on the other end of the line, quietly providing a play-by-play of his progress until Shouyou cries himself dry, quiet hiccuping sobs settling into uneven breaths, exhaustion settling over him like a heavy blanket as the soft sounds of Kenma's keyboard and commentary soothes him to sleep.

When he wakes up, he thinks about the comments he's heard from the team, the harmless teasing that Shouyou has a boyfriend at a rival school and tries to imagine it.

Boyfriends kiss, right?

Yeah, they definitely kiss.

He rolls to his feet, stumbling out of bed as he presses a hand to his mouth.

_No, no, no he doesn't want that he really doesn't want that_

But then he thinks about it more, carefully steering clear of thoughts about kissing, and he realizes he doesn't hate it.

He thinks about curling up together on the couch and picking out curtains and feeding a cat, and he feels that soft warmth that he gets when he sees the court, when he thinks about being the last one left standing and he freezes, ice sloshing in his stomach. It sounds good. But he doesn't like Kenma like _that_ , so why does he want this?

Shouyou knows he doesn't like Kenma the way his classmates like their partner, but he also knows that he doesn't like Kenma the way he likes his teammates, or even his friends from middle school. He likes Kenma the way he likes volleyball, the way he's always thought he could never like a person.

It's not the right type of love, he knows, but it's the only kind he has.

He stays over for the week after Kenma's graduation.

They share a bed the whole week, holding each other close and murmuring quiet platitudes to each other about the distance they'll be apart.

Finally, finally, Shouyou musters up his courage.

Because he doesn't just like Kenma, he loves him.

Even if it's the wrong kind of love.

"I love you," he whispers. "You're my volleyball."

And Kenma blinks, slow like a cat. "You're my video games."

And then he takes Shouyou by the wrist and tugs him back to bed where they curl around each other with all the gentle affection they can muster.

"I don't want to have sex." He mumbles, a flush coloring his cheeks as he burrows deeper into the blankets.

"Me neither."

He pulls back a measure, eyes wide and blinking wildly.

"Really?"

Kenma blinks back, golden eyes narrowed under furrowed brows.

"Yes? I'm asexual?"

He blinks again, mouth gaping.

"Why didn't you tell me!"

A small laugh, then, "You didn't ask."

Shouyou squawks at the echoed words that Kenma spoke to him when they met again at the Nekoma practice match.

"You know I'm not going to college, and you're going to go pro." Kenma continues, voice is soft against his ear.

Shouyou nods against a warm chest, nuzzling into the familiar heartbeat.

"When you graduate, why don't you move in with me? That way, whenever you come back from games, you'd be coming home to me?"

His smile is soft and he feels the warmth of the sun seeping out of his pores, just like he does 

"Yeah. That sounds really good."

Kenma hums, pressing a kiss against his hair and it doesn't make him feel sick because it feels like his love for volleyball and Kenma's love for video games, and there's no burning heat or fireworks. It feels safe.

Shouyou thinks that he's loved volleyball since even before he knew what it was.

He thinks maybe he's loved Kenma just the same.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Haikyuu fanfic! I write two other bnha fics (non-qpr) if you want to check them out, but for now please leave kudos or drop a comment if you enjoyed :)


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